Why It Pays to Express Emotions After Loss

The process of grief after loss is a severely complex and debilitating experience that manifest in a wide variety of ways. Every person experiences grief differently, but one overarching similarity is that they must express their emotions or stand to damage themselves psychologically. Expressing emotions after loss is unpredictable, volatile, but most importantly it is natural, and needs to be done. In order to achieve peace and clarity at the end of a long tunnel, one must understand and express their grief to the best of their ability.

First, we will look at what emotions you will likely encounter during the grieving process, then we will examine why it is so important to express emotions after loss.

What You May Feel After a Loss

Shock, Numbness and Disbelief:

The initial grief reaction of most individuals is characterised largely by dazed and stunned feelings. The purpose of these emotions is to temporarily protect your psyche form the pain of your loss, a type of psychological insulation if you will, that anaesthetises your mind whilst your emotions catch up to what your mind has been told. These feelings can manifest physically as well as psychologically, with many people experiencing heart palpitations, stomach cramps and nausea.

Confusion, Disorganisation, Yearning:

This stage is often characterised by what’s called ‘Going Crazy Syndrome’ wherein grieving individuals feel disconnected from their reality, have disjointed thoughts and an inability to complete tasks effectively. You have now been confronted with your reality and that weight of the event has shocked your system, throwing you out of your usual orbit.

Your thoughts and behaviours will be affected, and you will likely experience a lot of forgetfulness, feelings of yearning and searching for your loved one or some logic surrounding their passing, and even a preoccupation with your loved one. It is more than normal to feel like you keep ‘seeing’ your loved one throughout your days, and dreaming of them at night. Try your best to take care of yourself in this stage, as difficulty eating and sleeping will exhaust you.

Anxiety and Fear:

This stage is one of the most harrowing, in general opinion, due to the depth of loss and uncertainty you may feel. Your psychological and even physical security has been threatened by this event, and your body and mind’s natural reaction is to feel panic, lonely, and lost. You may ask existential questions, such as ‘Will I survive this pain?’. The loss of a loved one usually draws our attention to our own mortality, which unseats us from our place of comfort and wilful ignorance and slams us heavily into existential dread.

Explosive Emotions:

Do not let anyone tell you differently, this stage is necessary, and your emotions herein are valid. The explosive emotions that arise from grief and loss are a form of protest from your mind and body, against the experience of loss. Feelings of anger, blame, resentment, hatred (even jealousy of those who have not experienced loss) are all natural if volatile emotions. Your grief experience shakes you to your core, and it is important to let out those explosive emotions as they allow you to start the healing process once you are ready for it.

Think about the time when you have bottled up a lot of small nuisances, inconveniences, spats with loved ones, anxious feelings – and then a small, insignificant event triggers a full-on cry session. Do you remember the weight that was lifted, the tension that was drawn out of your shoulders, when you let out those seemingly pointless tears? Your explosive emotions after grief serve much the same purpose, and to resist will damage your body, mind, and soul.

Why You Should Express Emotions after Loss

Outward expression of your emotions is the path to healing, and unfortunately for some, inward expression is not. Your body, mind and soul accrue a heavy weight during bereavement, and it must be dissipated over time to facilitate healing and reconciliation between your reality and your emotions. Your authentic self requires expression to be realised, and you should not neglect it.
Try to find comfort in the total normality of your experience – albeit entirely individual – and allow yourself to connect with your emotions freely.

The process of emotional stages we have illustrated above is a common and very normal one, which most people identify with when grieving. Know that your healing lies on the other side of the storm, and you cannot go around it, nor over or under it, only through.

Stay updated with our blogs which we post twice monthly to help grieving people and their supporters to understand the process, the emotions, events and experiences better as well as gain insight into concepts such as love, gratitude and mindfulness.