The process of grief is a varied and complex affair that each and every person will experience in their time, and in a unique way each time. We at Loving Ashes want to debunk some myths about grief to show you how different expectation vs reality really is.
”Grief Will End Someday”
Unfortunately, grief is a never-ending process. It evolves, lessens, and transforms over the years, but it never truly goes away. This is not a bad thing, however, as it signifies the loss of someone we loved dearly and will treasure for the rest of our lives. Grief should become more manageable over time, but it lingers as a reminder of the love you shared.
”Grief is Predictable”
Many articles report the stages of grief as concrete and measurable events in a person’s life, but the reality is that each and every person experience grief uniquely. The stages of grief are interchangeable, last for varying periods of time, and manifest differently from one person to the next. Remember that your grief is your own, and you don’t have to match anyone’s textbook definition.
”Men Don’t Grieve as Much”
As a matter of fact, men in Western cultures are groomed to suppress their emotions, expressing them only to a mother figure and a romantic partner. Many studies have linked this toxic masculinity to higher suicide rates in widowed men. Remember that men are just as human, and experience the same range of complex emotions. Men require just as much support and comfort from friends and family as women, because grief is indiscriminate.
”Grief is Easier When Your Loved One was Suffering”
You have probably heard the phrase “At least they aren’t suffering anymore” more times than you care to count, but is it really helpful? The truth is, it is not as helpful to remember that your loved one was suffering, because you are still carrying a huge loss in your heart. Nothing will replace your love, nor your wish to have your loved one with you forever. When comforting someone who has lost a loved one, try saying things such as “I am here for you in this troubling time and will stay by your side” instead.
”Someone Who Takes Their Life is Selfish”
Many misled individuals seem to think that suicide is a selfish act, but they are gravely mistaken. For someone to take their own life, they are experiencing a world of pain, physically and/or emotionally. For them, suicide can feel like the only option, or perhaps the one wherein they feel less like a burden. Be sensitive to those who have lost a loved one to suicide, as it is not an easy choice to make, nor accept.
”Faith Will Lessen Your Grief”
A lot of people confront their faith when they have experienced a loss, and this can manifest in a multitude of ways. Some find solace in their faith, reading their scriptures and drawing strength from the sentiments kept within them. Others may confront their deity/deities and ask “Why?”. Do not feel pressured to look into faith or redouble your religious activities after loss – do instead what works best for you.
”Avoiding Grief Will Make It Go Away”
Some may believe that by pushing their grief away, they will heal and move on without the tears and questioning. This is entirely false: grief is an inescapable process that we must all face at some point. Bottling it up inside will only cause you to be stressed and highly strung, and eventually you will have an outburst or burn out. Without recognition, grief can disrupt your daily life, and cause major problems.
Consider contacting a helpline for grief, depression or anxiety for emergency help if you feel like you are not coping well with the loss:
