You get the call from your parents while driving the kids to school, and it knocks you for a six. Uncle Frank lost the fight with his leukaemia in the early hours of the morning, an uncle you adored as much as you did your own father. You feel devastated, like a piece of you has been removed and hidden away forever, and you can’t help but brood for days. How do you move on? How does your life continue without one of your favourite people in the world? Here’s what to do after the loss of a loved one…
Step 1: Make Lists
The first step is to remind yourself that your loved one was in fact human. They were just as susceptible to sickness and ill health as you are, and if the roles were reversed – they’d probably feel just as torn up about you as you’re feeling about them. Start by making a list of all your loved one’s best qualities; their traits you remember most fondly. Now draw a line down the page and make a second list – detailing all your loved one’s traits you weren’t that fond of. This will help your grieving self come to terms with your loved one’s humanity and the inevitability of mortality that we all face.
Step 2: Accomplish Small Gains
Make conscious efforts each day to achieve small gains in your life, regardless of how silly you might think they are. For example, if you’ve always driven the same route to your place of work, change things up and try a different road. If you’ve always used the same brand of toothpaste, or always had the same variety of cereal for breakfast, try different brands and see how you feel about them. These changes might bring pleasant little surprises into your life, and when you’re changing you’re effectively moving forward.
Step 3: Prepare for a New Life
One of the many things that sets humans apart from our fellow planet-dwellers is our ability to reinvent ourselves at the drop of a hat. Our experiences change our perceptions, which ultimately guide our decisions and actions. Face it, things won’t ever be the same after the loss of a loved one. It is up to you to decide if your life is going to change in a positive way, or in a negative way. Choose to bring positivity into your life and the lives of those around you by building a new you from the inside out, looking forward at great possibilities instead of backwards at past heartaches.
