When someone close to you is dealing with grief, it is often very trying to be there for them and have the ‘right’ things to say, for fear of upsetting them. We believe that whilst grief is the price we pay for love, it is only love and loving acts that can help to heal it. When wondering what helpful things to say to a grieving person, we at Loving Ashes lend you a helping hand.
”I know this will take time, and I am here for you for the long haul.”
It is difficult to see someone you care about being emotionally rent apart by loss and it is a natural instinct to want to help mend their hearts. The most helpful things to say to a grieving person are centred around showing love, support and a willingness to act for them and on their behalf, whilst they may not have the energy to.
Letting your loved one know that you are willing to see them through this time of grief will reassure them that you care and are offering your true support. This statement is more comforting as it shows that you understand this sadness will not clear up in a week or two, and you are committed to helping them.
”I will do X for you on Y day.”
Believe it or not, telling your grief-stricken loved one that you will come and do a specific thing for or with them on a specific day will go miles towards helping them heal and feel supported. Offer to help in practical ways, such as running errands for them or shopping for their groceries.
A simple promise to drop off a homemade meal the following week or offering to pick up their children from school are underestimated efforts that can make your loved one’s day a bit better.
”There was no good reason for your loved one to be taken from you.”
Sentiments that express false comfort are very hurtful to those dealing with loss. It is unwise to suggest there was a ‘reason’ for the passing, that the person is ‘in a better place now’ or that the loss was the work of a higher power. For a grieving person, these sentiments seem to trivialise their loss, trivialise the death, and make out that the grieving process is almost unnecessary.
A grief survey conducted by Slate found that a simple acknowledgement of your loved one’s grief, without condition, is most helpful. When considering helpful things to say to a grieving person, steer clear of assumptions, downplays and write offs. Reassure them that their feelings are real and valid, and that you are committed to helping them.
Nothing at All.
Sometimes, it is peace and quiet that helps the most. Sit with your loved one, hold their hand, close your mouth and open your heart. Allow your loved one to lead the conversation, and truly listen to what they have to say. An unassuming, reassuring friend is a remedy for much, much heartbreak.
Authors Raymond R. Mitsch and Lynn Brookside – who wrote Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love: Daily Meditations to Help You Through the Grieving Process – say, “Talking about our sorrow does not increase our sorrow; it purges our sorrow.” Remember to stay close to your friends and family when they are experiencing grief, and share your most honest, committed sentiments to aid their healing process.
